The last week has been a roller-coaster. I usually get loads of chest infections. I've always been bad for them because of asthma but ME seems to have made it much worse. But this year I did really well. I'm thinking it's down to taking vitamin d. But I managed to pick up my first bad chest infection (just a cold not c19) the same week the government decided we need to quarantine if we had one. Fine I wasn't well enough to go out anyway. Then when I had done 7 days quarantine I realised that I needed to be distancing as much as possible so minimised how much I went go out. I was feeling warn out and wheezy but getting better.
Then last friday my breathing took a huge downturn and had to phone the emergency gp and do a telephone consult to get some steroids. I could have gone down to see them and she wasnt keen on not getting to examine me because I was so bad. But I really dont want to be near any medical facilities at the moment if it I can help it.
Then over the weekend I realise that I am in the extremly vulnerable group for c19 due to the severity of my asthma and sure enough on Monday get a text telling me not to leave the house for 12 weeks because my body can't fight this thing.
I'm on steroids and my breathing is slowly getting better. But the steroids have interesting effects on the ME. I can't rest and Im hyper active which I think is pretty normal when you need to take high doses. But the steroids help with the ME symptoms enough that I feel OK. But add the stress of the outbreak and my body is burning energy fast. I guess you can see what's coming and that's where I am tonight. Not totally crashed but hardly able to stand and in a lot of pain. But I am still hyperactive. I can't sit still and can't move at the same time my body doesn't know what to do.
I'm looking round at people who are in total shock because they have been put in lock down for a few weeks while I am basically under house arrest for months. I'm looking round at people who are healthy and able to make the most of this "time off" but are complaining about being stuck inside. I'm looking round at others with chronic illness who are very frightened about what the future holds and those who have seen no change because their illnesses put them in perminant lock down anyway. I'm looking round at the people who are giving what they can to help others and the ones who are using this to take more. I'm not sure how I feel about people at the moment. At times I'm hopeful that this will bring about some much needed changes. At others I just want to burn it all down.
I realise I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a nice home and a small yard to get outside in. I have friends and neighbours who are looking out for me and ensuring I can get food. I have two cats who are helping keep me in a routine and to give me affection. I have an employer who immediately said that we shouldn't worry they will continue to pay everyone who is effected by this virus. I have skills that will allow me to do something to help even if it does have to be from inside my own home. But I don't know how I'm going to cope with months of this.
Sorry a bit of a long one just needed to clear my head.
No comments:
Post a Comment